I have a very cute little sister, here she is....

And every day, at least once, I make sure to ask her if we're best friends. If she says no, I promptly correct her.

I had a dream last night that we were all innocent, and had sleepovers with the opposite sex. Parker Jones, we had a sleep over. 

I love when people know that they're better than you at something, but they still genuinely think you're good, and worth showing off. For example, Parker made me play piano yesterday, and even though he excels so much higher than yours truly, he made me feel like I was worth listening too. That was nice.

Enough about Parker Jones.

 I would be a terrible recovering alcoholic, drug addict, or criminal. 

I have serious withdrawl problems. I have frequent bursts of yearning for things in the past. I can't control them, they come unannounced and unexplained. I need to feel the sun, I have the urge to kiss someone, I crave coffee, I miss old friends,  I want to cry(believe it or not), I want to sing really loud, I want to act on impulses, I need my own car, I wish I could transfer back to dear old AF high(sometimes), I am secretly a hermit, and I wish I could go back to a world where I didn't know the difference between indie and mainstream. You could say I'm kind of flawed. I say I'm a teenage girl. what do you expect?

I need a good book to read, so any suggestions left in comment form would be appreciatied.

Can you keep a secret?

good. so can I.

say cheese.

p.s. I really was going to tell you a secret, but then I remembered who reads this blog. not you, trusty followers, but the other discreet readers....and you know....stuff gets around....so I decided to mock you instead, have a nice day.

Sometimes I think

Everyone has a reason for the dark circles under their eyes. A story behind every tear they may cry.

 Somebody hold me while I mourn for my lost childhood, i'm torn between wanting to grow old  with you and wanting to stay young. You're the reason that I breathe, if you promise to stay with me, I promise I won't leave those tears in your eyes, I'll be your shoulder as you cry. One day you'll leave me all alone, when my childhood is gone. I'll wait for you to come back, though I know you'll never come. But maybe we'll stay together, Maybe our love will be forever. We can stand the tests of time, hand in hand we'll slowly climb. Because who will read the stories of your dark circles, who will know the reason behind your tears. I will, if we but last the years. Darling for now we'll wish away the fear.

 ready, set, fall in love

Cheers Darling

I sometimes feel unworthy to write on this blog. I constantly think of what I want to say, how I want to say it. Then somehow it seems, that someone else thinks it first, or at least they post it first. Then, if posted, my thoughts are merely replicas of others', in different words and with different vocabulary. I don't want to be a clone of someone else's insight. But keeping what I want to scream out inside seems horribly cruel to myself.

So here I am, screaming it anyway.

A lot of the time I go into a panic, wondering if people can read my mind. After thinking something mean, judgmental, or simply embarrassing I look up from my hands- which I am usually staring at- and look at everyone around me. If someone makes eye contact, or turns their head sharply from me, as if they were afraid I would catch them staring, my heart races and I freak out for a minute, before I tell myself that people can't hear my thoughts. No matter how many times I tell myself that, I still panic.

All Parents hold their kids back. Whether they know it or not. Some do it by pushing them too hard, forcing them into something that they don't want to do. Forcing them to practice for hours and hours, when really they'd rather be painting, or maybe writing. Some don't push hard enough, and their children, unmotivated, stay in the same place their entire lives. For me, I hold myself back. But I'm done.

I am giving myself permission:

• To laugh really loud, even if I am alone
  
• To hug a little longer, even if they let go first
• To sing in front of people
• To not wear any make up
• To blog without stressing
• To like the same bands as you
• To like different bands
• To sleep in
• To give myself a break
• To say yes when I want to say yes
• To say no
• To hurt your feelings
• To keep trying
• To fail
• To collapse into your arms
• To be selfish once in a while
• To act on impulses
• To forgive you
• To cry once in a while
• To be bold
• To go swimming in the winter
• To shout my opinion
• To dance, however horribly
• To sit closer
• To not care about what you think
• To be brutally honest
• To let silence be silent
• To be silly, and maybe a little immature
• To never be ashamed
• To turn off the televison
• To go back to sleep so I can dream
• To read for hours and hours
• To highlight things
• To watch lifetime movies and eat ice cream
• To ask questions
• To stop playing games
• To grow old
  
• To go against everyone's advice, and take my own

 

Because I deserve to

That's Why

Cheers to a new me