Let’s
be real here. Whether you call it “Senioritus” or tell everyone that you are
“just tired because you were up all night taking care of your sick
grandmother”, the truth is much simpler: you’re lazy. But never fear, ladies
and gents. There is a cure. There is hope. There is a chance for you. With our
clinically proven formula, you’ll be off your bum and into the world of
productivity in no time.
Supplies:
1 Planner ( Write down every assignment. Make sure to put an empty square next to each item. You’ll be surprised how fun it is to check those boxes)
1 Decent Sized Backpack ( Not one of those baby ones that barely fits a pencil that girls carry around to look cute and feminine.)
5 oz. Motivation (WARNING: Do NOT Default to wanting to meet your parents expectations. You have to want it for yourself, not because you don’t want to receive that wow-you-horrible-daughter-is-that-a-minus-next-to-your-A-grade look.)
1 tsp Sugar (to make the medicine go down)
6 grahams (for s’mores)
6 grams Determination ( Don’t give up on your chronic laziness. Never feel discouraged. We all have it; at least you are trying to turn your life around. Say lots of motivational things to yourself such as “yes you can” and “I believe in myself” and “Oh my gosh, I am worth it!”
2 (or more) Good Friends (Let them know that you are trying to change your life, and encourage them to change with you.)
Supplies:
1 Planner ( Write down every assignment. Make sure to put an empty square next to each item. You’ll be surprised how fun it is to check those boxes)
1 Decent Sized Backpack ( Not one of those baby ones that barely fits a pencil that girls carry around to look cute and feminine.)
5 oz. Motivation (WARNING: Do NOT Default to wanting to meet your parents expectations. You have to want it for yourself, not because you don’t want to receive that wow-you-horrible-daughter-is-that-a-minus-next-to-your-A-grade look.)
1 tsp Sugar (to make the medicine go down)
6 grahams (for s’mores)
6 grams Determination ( Don’t give up on your chronic laziness. Never feel discouraged. We all have it; at least you are trying to turn your life around. Say lots of motivational things to yourself such as “yes you can” and “I believe in myself” and “Oh my gosh, I am worth it!”
2 (or more) Good Friends (Let them know that you are trying to change your life, and encourage them to change with you.)
1
Pair of Magic Jeans (Sisterhood of the Traveling pants
style for moral boosting.)
Rewards-
As Many As Desired ( Reward yourself when you meet your
goals. Take yourself out for cotton candy ice cream or throw yourself an
anti-laziness party. Because you’re worth it.)
Mix in an
Olympic sized swimming pool for best effect. In all seriousness, if you want to
cure your chronic laziness, start today. Order in the next 15 minutes and we’ll include a free bump it or Snuggie
with your purchase.
Hahahahahhahahahahahahahah. This is good.
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