It all starts {ends} here

The following was written at two in the morning:

The night before school starts is bad for any high school student. Mostly it's full of stress and severe anxiety that's usually completely unnecessary. Nevertheless I spent my night in a state of panic. What if my hair looks ugly? What if I forget to get dressed and I go to school naked? What if everyone hates me? I spent my entire summer not caring about those things in the slightest, but now that school is starting those questions are all that seem to matter. Psychotic, I know.
Do you know what makes that night worse? Waking up at 2 am with one arm aching because you slept on it weird and the other flopping around unaware of where it's proper
Place is with Demi lavato stuck in your head and a frustrating inability to fall Back asleep.

It's all hypothetical of course.


The following was written on the last day of summer:

(but first a little background. I have this nice (80) Days of  Summer book that I wrote in every singe day of summer. This is Day 80.)

"I feel a significantly exaggerated amount of pressure in writing this last entry. Which is silly considering the fact that most likely no one will ever read this. I guess I have this fantasy that my kids will find it one day and begin to eagerly read and maybe even realize that their mother is human. I should probably write down the things I've learned and all the ways that I've grown this Summer, but in all honesty, I feel as if I would be lying. I can't tell you that I'm more mature because who am I to judge that? I thought I was mature at age 11. What I know is that I will never be the same as I was on day one. I've changed. Probably because I'm a teenager, and that's what we do.

CHEERS.

-M"

Dear Self,

Please Stop Dreaming About Him. Obviously Stetson isn't really in love with you.

-M

I was a rose

Reaching for all things infinite,
All things tall and all things true

But instead I wilted to the floor.

 

Thrown into the air,

To see if I could fly

The flashes, followed

By the thousands of 

Shattering dishes.

But I came back down

No matter how hard I fought

Against the sleet.

My cape kept going

And a rash appeared around my neck.

To prove to me I had almost won.

I've heard lightning strike

And seen thunder clap

But tonight I saw lightning 

Hit the ground.

The air was electrified 

With the scent of new beginnings,

With the shock of death,

And with the realization

That the only difference is order.

And the lightning struck me twice,

And the cackle of its laughter

Was shown by the cracks

In the ground.

Turning to ash

Isn't such a scary thing.

The fear comes from knowing

That once there was beauty

Where destruction lies.

And no one will ever know,

What once was precious.

and i quote

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

-Albert Einstein 

The First Day of my Life:
An incredible song by an incredible band.
Also December 20, 1994

The Worst Day of my Life:
I looked forward the the Bright Eyes concert for weeks. But due to lack of planning on my part and a little stupidity, it turned into a horrible night (hence the title). After being shoved around in the middle of the crowd for a few hours and inhaling an unimaginable amount of smoke I began to feel a little woozy...
I pushed my way through the crowd, with more ferocity than most know I posses, and towards the first aide tent knowing that within seconds I would be either heaved over and vomiting all over or passed out on the ground. I'm glad my body chose the latter. (I hate HATE throwing up...but thats another post) I managed to get myself into a sitting position before consciousness left me and my head hit the ground. I was at the tent, but no one did anything. I imagine phrases like "another drunk", "kids these days", and "drugs are so bad" were said at my expense. 
After recovering and calling Avery to come find me...things got worse.

Long story short:
We were stranded in SLC until one in the morning.
We were hollored at
A stranger tried to get us into a cab with him
We ended up hiding in a movie theater.
My mom had to come get us...
Grounded for life? not quite.


The Best Day of my Life:
Happy Birthday Addy Dearest. My stomach has never been as pleased as it was on your day of birth. This just in; I am in love with sushi and Oreo pie.
Kaitlyn Avery Katie and I made Addy the "best present she's ever gotten" and thats enough for me.

identity

She grasped the moths wings

Held it in front of her face.

Surely not a thing of beauty.

No butterfly spell, no famous grace.

She held it in a lower class

Away from freedom in twitched.

This ugly fallen face,

Hesitation was a mere wish.

Her breath visible

In the chill of the night.

She took the tiny moth

And took it towards the light.

The pattern of the wing

She held in her grasp,

She thought of as nothing

Until she let the moment pass.

The intricut design

The crafted piece of film

Was nothing to the girl

Who caught it on a whim.

Wishing to be forgotten,

Hoping to be saved,

She set down the moth

Into its cement grave.

As she turned away

To run into the road

She thought of the ugly life

She had just sowed.

The butterfly fell into the deep 

The brightest colors fade to black

Flight stolen from a moth.

The given grace taken back

This could be the end of everything

 

It seems that the world's timing for me is completely opposite of my own. I would've preferred to have become your friend a while ago. 

Does time exist? Or is it just clocks?

But really. What the heck is time? It is nothing of substance, unless you count clock hands and digital screens. It isn't something you can really feel, unless you feel it passing. But even that is merely a thought. Time is nothing. But we all seem to frantically use it up as if one day we'll run out. But there is nothing to run out of. No vile of time juices that we sip occasionally. We live, we die, life (time, i guess) goes on. Sure telling time is nice for knowing when to show up at a party and what time you have to take an english test. Its handy to look up at a circle on a wall and feel some sense of stability. Life can be in chaos but knowing that its 8 o clock at night gives hope that it has to end ( not life, the chaos), it has to expire sometime.

But why are we so eager to escape?

Revel in the Chaos.

-M

forgot to mention the facts

oh yeah...i guess we may have done something similar...

My facebook page now reads;

Emily Henson

Auror at the Ministry of Magic.

I finally learned to fishtail. horribly, but fishtail nonetheless.

i have this hair. like ^ that's me...

The other day I had one of the deepest, most honest discussions I've ever had. I said things I've never dared to utter and I listened to things I never dreamt of hearing. I left feeling heavy, but with an enormous amount of weight lifted off my shoulders. (contradictory, i know. sue me.)  So when people ask me how my night was I say "fun", but it's a total lie. I will never look back and say "gee that was fun." It wasn't a laughing matter, though we did laugh on occasion. We smiled but not because we were talking about happy things or playing a game. We smiled because for once we had someone to listen to us. We had each other. 

It's completely possible that I'm being melodramatic. 

-M