Brutally Honest

I find myself sinking.
After the hardest year of my life, I stopped crying.
I started blocking that emotion.
It's been months and months.

I've cried 3 times this week.

I'm not depressed, and I love my life. I have more than I could ask for.  But the world is just so sad. Everything I hear is has a tragic element. Every song I listen to seems to cry out to the world for help. I want people to tell me their stories, i want them to be able to trust me with their sanity in my arms. Unbearable is the emptiness that comes with wanting to help someone desperately, but failing to realize how. I just want to scream at them; stop. please. you're worth more. I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. Maybe i couldn't have done anything, but i am still sorry. because people are people. love is love. and sadness, no matter how trivial it may seem to an outsider, is sadness. period.

I want my summer back. I was the happiest I have been since playing mermaids on the waterfall in California when I was little. Remember wanting to be a mermaid? I miss my mermaid self. Summer. Love. What happened to us? what happened to the tree climbing, the late nights, the secret phone calls? What happened was stress, life, school. separation tore us apart, not our faults. Still, I sat down in my shower last night for 1/2 an hour, hugging myself and wondering where i've gone, and how I lost my smile. where have you gone emily? who took you away?
I want to laugh so hard that I can't breathe.
I want you to be happy again.
I want to feel pretty again.
I want someone to take my hand, kiss it, and start to dance with me.
Just because.

At least I know who I am. I know what I stand for, and I know I have so much to give.
Today is the day
I start living to make you happy,
And maybe they're telling the truth,
Maybe I can change the world.