What has Happened to the World?

I look back at what I've done.
How did this happen?
Where did this come from?
My mind tries to find a begining,
But all it finds is the result.
The is no obvious answer,
No event that leads to this.
No person put these images into my head,
It's the world's slow, persistant hiss.

I scream to climb back up again.
To reach the sun's warm rays,
But it seems I've gone too deep this time.
Not a hint of light remains.
The told me there was no consequence,
I thought it was no crime.
i want to blame the world,
Though the fault was mostly mine.

There is only so much we can allow,
Before we have to take a stand.
The world has reached its limit.
Lets band together, hand in hand.
The lies will be revealed in the fight,
THe grabage taken out.
Whose side will you be one?
Let's find the hidden line of wrong and right.

There is no one to blame,
We all have played a part.
But hope is never lost,
We all have good deep at heart.
Hold my hand, I wil not let you fall.
Get ready,
Because we're about to change it all.

It starts with one person at a time. It starts with one kind word, one less gossiper. What if you could be that one, the one person to start a revolution? Its insane the amount of impact that one person and one small act can make on the world. Be that person. Influence who you can, and never give up on those who seem resistant to change. It can be you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U&feature=related

Uninspiration

I am feeling a little uninspired as to what message to write. After kami's suggestions of york peppermint patties and rice prices in China, I've decided to stop asking people what I should write about.  

There is something wrong with the feeling of not feeling strongly about anything. When was the last time something actually made you angry, made you think? Hopefully today. hopefully your mind hasn't been censored to the degree that your thoughts are dull, neutral, and uninspired. Censorship is a sensitive subject. A fine line. The littlest mistake in a society's censorship sets off an unstoppable reaction. Too little can result in an uprising. Or on the opposite side of the spectrum, a lack of information can cause a group of people to act out from lack of knowledge. Where is the line?

Extreme censorship only reflects a nations lack of confidence in itself. A shortage of trust in its citizens. Its unacceptable to live life pretending the world is something it isn't. To gain wisdom, knowledge is needed. Two ways to gain knowledge: learn about it, or experience it. Which would you prefer? It all happens. All the horrible things you hear in the news, the things you read in books, the things you hear on the street. Each article, each story has a family behind it. It has tears.  It has smiles. Pretending it never happened, banning children from reading about it, or choosing to be left ignorant is an insult to those faces. An insult to the people behind the facts.

Sometimes its painful, but its the truth. Its the world. Its better than never knowing.

Sunday Best

Sunday Best: great song by augustana. go listen to it. its about the same girl thats in Boston

But that isn't what this post is about. This blog has never been spiritual, but its time that it is. My life revolves around my religion. here's a sunday thought for the soul.

The Last Request


He walks out of Gethsemane,
Into the captors’ hands.
The same people who of sin
He did eliminate the bands.

He goes quietly and peacefully,
Knowing God is there.
While a crown of thorns is made
To rest upon his hair.

Standing with pain,no anger,
His faith doth never lack.
While leather strips laced with rocks
Lash across his back.

Speaking ill of no one,
Nails pierce his hand, his feet.
He thinks of his beloved father
Whom soon he will again meet

Hanging on the cross,
Some do mock and some do cry.
Some are unaware:
The son of God will soonly die

Finally he knows;
His work is done and through.
“Father,” he whispers, “forgive them.
They know not what they do.”

Santa Claus, Confidence, and Tragety

A boy in my one of my classes told me that he had never believed in Santa Claus. To be honest, the whole fat man coming down the chimney thing didn't really stick with me very long either. but to never have believed? i would be heartbroken to know that i have never felt the sensation of thinking that this was the year: the year you were going to catch Santa. He never felt the dissapiontment, either. Never the shock of waking up realizing that you had, in fact, fallen asleep and woken up, mysteriously, in your own bed. It seems a part of the human culture. But he never believed, and i feel sorry for him.

ON A SEPARATE NOTE
Why is it that when i finally get what i've been dying for, all can feel is sadness? I had no idea it would pain me so much to leave them. I just have to keep in mind that i'm trading in my old life for a new, hopefully better, one. i pray that it will be as positive as it seems from a distance. I pray.
Don't get me wrong. I am so undeniably happy that keeping it a secret has been extremely stressful and difficult. Goodbye loneliness, Hello confidence. hello friendship. Hello life.
Here i come
You have no idea what is coming for you.

Dear Journalism:
Thank you for giving me friends. Thank you for making me confident. Thank you for everything. It breaks my heart to leave you. Forever Yours<3
M

Acceptance vs. Exceptance

Irony is a funny thing. It doesn't mean "having qualities like unto the metal iron" as i once thought, but instead means "to make words mean the opposite of what they say".
Close your eyes and say these words out loud.
"Acceptance" "Exceptance"
Two words that are undistinguishable by hearing only, but, ironically, mean the exact opposite. To accept someone means to take them the way they are, and always have been. Accept them into your arms, your circle of friends, or just accept their kindness. It's quite the popular word right now, everyone is stating that they accept everyone, but in the back of their mind they are thinking..."Except that one girl...." Except.
Same sound
Opposite meaning
Oh the irony.
But how often is acceptance mixed with exceptance. Accepting someone doesn't require pretending that they are not who they are, butIt doesn't mean excepting them from something just becuase of who they are, or where they come from either. Why do colleges have to accept a certain number of latino students? Just to be called a diverse school? Yet it's all obscured. Never is a letter recieved that states: Thank you for applying! We regret to inform you that you would have got in, except we had reached our white limit this year. Change your skin color and reapply, thank you for your consideration.
We can accept people without making them an exception.
Love isn't being kind because of their trials, their skin color, or the face that they are a minority in anyway.
Love isn't accepting charity cases, except only the ones that benefit you.

People aren't charity cases. Not some electronic to be rewired. Sure, you can sit there and feel good about yourself because you were nice to the girl that you've always been rude to today because you finally found out where she came from, and what she's been through. Maybe you would feel better to have known that in her hardest times, you were there, not because you wanted to be the goddess who surprisingly swooped in, but because you were there from the beginning. Because you didn't know her story, you just knew she had one.

Friendship is saying: I accept you. But you're not an exception.

The Truth Behind My Messages in Bottles

GO RIDE A BIKE before it's too late.

My school notebook has become a venting journal, that if certain people were to find the result would be disastrous. I fill pages and pages with lines of poetry, quotes, and thoughts that fly into my unorganized brain. I always try and hide the pages as i flip through trying to find my math hw, my chemistry notes, or english essay.
On my way home from school, I walked past a little stream. i stopped and looked at its simple beauty. The water flowed steadily down into an unknown territory. Thinking of my school notebook, i pulled out a sheet of secrets, put it in my empty water bottle, and sent it flowing down the mini river. I couldn't stop smiling, i was finally free. Free from negative thoughts, secrets, and emotional uprisings. I didn't watch it go down, I don't want to know if anyone found it, or how far it got. It will probably never be read, but hey, you might be reading this and thinking of that note you found in the stream behind your house. maybe one day we'll fall in love, or become best friends. Or maybe you'll be comforted knowing that you're not the only one who feels. i have no idea the purpose, but i know i have a release that i have never known before. My m3ssag3s in a bottl3

By the way:

rain, rain, please just stay

Dearest Rain,
i opened my door and was shocked by the sudden sound of your drops pounding the cement. I felt like i was underwater, with fish flying around my head as i ran to the car. i use the phrase "under water" because i got so wet that i could've jumped into the pool and maintained the same degree of drench. the fish flying....i don't know honestly, i just wanted there to be fish, flying fish. when exiting my motor vehicle i screamed and began to run. run out of this downpour. I then stopped, and thought. why am i running? the rain isn't chasing after me, it is falling down on me. no matter how i run and dodge, ultimate dampness is inevitable. so then i laughed out loud, and began to dance. dancing in the rain: original, i know. spinning and twirling in the cinnemark parking lot. (getting HARRY POTTER tickets, but that is a whole other message in a bottle). thanks for teaching me to dance.
<3
M

metaphor ^

life sucks sometimes, and it seems that when it rains, it pours. but its all about the attitude. will you choose to run, or dance in the rain?

DANCE BABY

Fork Fest Fantastic

The best parts of fork fest:

1. Being with Ben and Ally
2. Being with Rachel for 29 hours
3. Flirting with lots and lots of Indie guys:)
4. Making sick bracelets
5. Smoothies
6. Crepes
7. buying bracelets
8. Joshua James, picture with
9. Joshua James, dance moves
10. Joshua James, beautiful voice
11. Man singing with Joshua James
12. Night Night
13. Imagine Dragons
14. Indie guys
15. Indie guys
16. Indie guys
17. Fashion
18. All my friends coming
19. All of the Above:)

WANTED: MAN FROM LOCKER

Height: Unknown
Hair Color: Unknown
Voice: Deep
Last Seen: In a Locker
Wanted For: Being the most hilarious, creative person at AF.
Last Conversation: In a locker, talking about how you were the coolest person I've met. It was cut short by a teacher yelling at us and going to get the principal. I fled. I want to know who you are, mystery locker man. I want to marry you.

REGRETS

I saw her in the hall today. I know her name, and I know that she went to Mt. Ridge with me, but nothing more. I couldn't have prepared myself for what I saw, because I've never spoken more than five words to her, and there is no way i could have ever known why she was crying. It was just a glimpse of a tear, one of those moments where the light glistens off the moisture falling down her cheek, but it was enough to make me take a second look at the girl who I know of, but don't really know. My mind started bickering back and forth. Half of me wanted to reach out and give her the hug I knew she probably needed, but the other, more dominant, half shrunk at the challenge of my confidence and told me to keep on walking. I listened to the latter. I guess I will never know if she would've told me what the matter was and broke down into my arms or just simply given a small, "nothing," and moved on, but I wish I would have stopped and listened. I wish I would have thought about her before myself.

Ode To Zack

Today was my best friend's birthday.
Zack. you are so freaking awesome. i jsut sat there...trying o think of a word to describe you besides awesome, but there are not enough words for how much i love you. seriously.
I loved kidnapping you:)
i think i'll grow up to be a kidnapper....i get some creepy satisfaction out of it....( whoa, did i type that?..No...who wrote that? ASHTON!?!?!)
anyway
happy birthday zack
i love you so much
YOU GIVE ME HOPE
<3
-M

MY GREATEST DREAM

You know what I've always wanted to do? ( wait, sidenote: abrie would kill me if she read that rhetorical question, sorry abrie) THROUGH ORNAMENTS AT PEOPLE. yes, you read me right. the glass, christmas colored, shiny, mirror-like spheres that you hang on trees. and yes, throw them at PEOPLE. They would shatter. chingchingching. into 10000000000 pieces. it sounds so satisfying. please dont report me to the athourities.
much obliged:
The Christmas Ornament Bandit.

hope.hope.hope.

oh the joy that comes from reading the first paragraph of GMH entries and adding GMH at the end. This post is dedicated to Jack Donaghee.


I was the dorky nerd girl in high school, who had a crush on my friend's private-school-frat-boy older brother. I also never had a slow dance. that GMH.

In Mexico last year I went swimming in a waterfall with a group of strangers. That GMH.

My boyfriend's grandparents are both in the hospital in separate rooms.That GMH.

Today at my school we had a big charity walk. A little boy in one of the younger grades is in a wheelchair. GMH.

I know. i'm a horrible person for laughing at awkward girls, strangers, separated lovers, and wheelchairs. but come one, you laughed:)

lYrIcS

song lyrics make my life worth loving
its incredible how lyricists can send such a deep message in a couple words.
dang.
i sounds so cheesy
but read these:

Maybe if you listened,
You'd hear me scream inside
Maybe you'd see my secret tears
If you looked me in the eye.
But knowing requires caring.
If you realize you have to heal
If you look deeply in yourself
You actually have to feel.
Love and hate go hand in hand
One cannot balance without the other
Their tracks are always parallel
Love helps hate recover.
You pass me in the street
Your eyes flicker down to watch the ground.
I sit on the corner,
You could smile, but you walk around.

I want to jump in from of this cab.
Maybe then the world would learn.
You would wish you would've smiled.
What would you feel by the events twisted turn?
I want you to cry,
And wonder who I was.
Why did I through myself away?
And were you the cause?
What happened to common courtesy?
And friendliness and faith?
It's cruel that to get you to notice,
Tragedy has to be the case.

I won't jump in front of this cab,
Because tomorrow there will be someone else.
And if I'm gone I can't smile,
And stop them from hurting themselves.

General Comedy

I'm a horrible person:)
when the prophet spoke today in General Conference, he mentioned the widows that he has visited int he first 15 seconds. Not thinking before I spoke (which is always a good idea) I said, "Not the widows," and sighed. My mom found this hilarious. I love Thomas S. Monson, but i feel like saying, "come on dude. we know about the widows"in a completely joking manner. We couldn't stop laughing and had to pause his talk just to catch our breathe.
It gets better. The second to last guy was the funniest of them all. His face showed no emotion whatsover, yet his voice continually cracked and squealed with unseen tears. He sounded like an emotional wreck going through puberty. Maybe we were still high off of the "widow buzz" but this caused another session of uncontrollable laughter.

So today we were able to get spiritually fed and burn some calories all at the same time:)

guys, love, and confusion

Boys are the most confusing creatures on this entire planet. One day he loves me, the next day its like I annoy him. For once I thought I had something. For once he made me happy, and i thought I made him happy as well. Maybe not. I still don't know. Like I said, its all so very confusing. Oh well. He doesn't choose my mood anymore:) I was sick of being sad one second and happy the next, all because of one person. I was being tossed around without my feelings given a second thought, I've decided that I won't let him rule my life. I'm done sacrificing to try and make things work. I still adore him, but if he doesn't like me, so be it. If he wants to talk he can call, but I'm not going to call him every night. I'm not playing hard to get, I'm just choosing happiness. If you are reading this, which I hope you don't know my blog, but if you are, know that I still care so much, but I'm done being the only one trying. <3>

One day I was up,
The next day I was down,
My sanity rested safely in your arms,
Until you threw it into the air
And caught it with your sly charms.

It was you, love
Who chose my mood.
Even when I didn't want you to.
I can't believe I lived like that.
I don't depend on you.

And yes, love, I still care.
But I won't cry if you're not there.
Because now I smile and laugh on my own.
I'm no longer tangled in your love's snare.

You still make me happy,
But you're no longer the only one.
If you could only see me now, love.
Life is so lovely on my own.

Kanecia and I were craving Panda Express. ALL.DAY. LONG. by the time we got her dad to actually take us, our mouths were too close to watering for comfort. The orange chicken was calling me. Did I mention it was 10:45 at night? It was. We pulled into the drive through and heard the usual, "Welcome to Panda Express, order when you're ready." After deciding what we wanted we told the man that we were, in fact, ready. no response. We then tried everything we could think of to get his attention. We honked, and yelled. We flashed our lights and even backed up only to pull back in. Nothing worked. Giving up on the drive through, we decided to go in, so we pulled around only to find that all the food was put away and the door was locked. Why oh why, had he told us to order when we were ready? I'm guessing he had a very fun time watching us go crazy at the speaker, while all the employees laughed their butts off. you're welcome for the entertainment.

Happiness and Lemonade

It's strange to look back on what i've written and seen things that i wanted. The things i want that no longer occupy my thoughts, the things i now have, and the things i probably never will.
I have a group of friends now, a real group that i feel like i belong to. finally. i love them dearly<3 and they make me happy.

SUMMER FEARS

Summer is here.
And the weird thing is...it makes me sad.
I want more than anything to find a group of friends, or at least a single friend, that i can count on. I want someone that i can trust. I want a group that i can completely feel comfortable around and that i can call my best friends. Lately i have felt so close to finding that person, and maybe even that group. But now, school is over, and the fear of loneliness of the coming summer is taunting me.
Friday was my last day of school as a freshman at the junior high. Next year I go to high school as a sophomore. My school separates into two high schools, AF and LP. I would say that 75% of the freshman will go to LP. Of course, I', part of the 25% that will go to AF. Joy. The last couple weeks have made going to AF that much harder. It seems that I've made so many new friends recently, and all i want to do is hang out with them in hopes of finding where i belong. But they will all go to Lp, and I will be the lonely AFer. Will I be the forgotten one? the one who never gets invited? Its possible. It's probable. It seems inevitable.
Summer brings joy with the freedom of the sun, but a lazy summer without friends is worse than a packed school year with them.
I pray that through the summer i will find what i'm looking for and that people will accept me for me. because that is all i have to offer.

JULIAN SMITH - One Bad App